The emotions a working Mom goes through in a day is nothing short of a day at your favorite amusement park! The ups, the downs, the loops we go through. Sometimes its fun, sometimes we are scared, sometimes we just are trying to make it to the end of the ride (aka bedtime). There's lots of amusement, sometimes crying (I'm not only talking about the kids), there's so many snacks and everything costs too much! See, I'm telling you, just like your favorite amusement park. Nonetheless even when you are exhausted at the end of the day, you are just thankful for the memories made.
I think the "up's and down's" of working mom life won't fade until the kids are older and can reach their own fruit snacks and figure out their own ideas to combat their boredom! So in the meantime, I found some ways to take back my day. So instead of feeling like I'm on the "California Screamin" roller coaster all day, it feels a bit more like "it's a small world". You still feel like you have a million little kids saying the same thing over and over, but at least things are calmer and you aren't ending the day with whip lash.
First and Foremost - Stop Apologizing!
When I started being unapologetic about my role in my family, it opened up a new way of life and one with much less stress and guilt. I stopped sending long winded texts 3 days later when I couldn't get back to texts that I simply didn't have the time for, I stopped overly apologizing when I couldn't make every event we were invited to. I even stopped apologizing to my kids or my husband when I have to work extra. Instead of saying " I'm so sorry Mommy is still working, I promise we will do something fun later" I started being more clear in my communication to them. "Mommy has about another 45 minutes of work, When I finish we are going straight to the park."
Same goes for work. Instead of saying "I'm so sorry I need to take a longer lunch to take my son to his appointment" I started to say "Taking lunch, may on a bit later, Ping me if you need me".
I chose this role in my family, I chose to be both a provider and a mother. My role is tough but it is important, and I for one will no longer apologize for this role I take on everyday that works best for my family. I'm claiming my space, I'm done apologizing, I'm owning this!
Schedule PTO and no I'm not even talking "Paid time off" I'm talking "Parent time off"
Making time for paid time off is also important to your mental health and success as a working parent, but what I'm talking about now is "Parent time off". It's important to find time in your days or weeks where you are not anything to anyone. Prioritize a Mom's night out, a coffee and thrifting date with yourself, a trip to get a pedicure, a trip alone to the beach or your happy place. Whatever you need to do, to put some "You" back in your day. We give, give, give so much, We sacrifice ourselves on the daily for our kids, with no question, and we are happy to do it. We offer to take on that new project for our work, even though it will mean later nights or earlier mornings. So make sure you give yourself the same energy, * Insert quote about empty cups* 😉
Get Productive. But I am... No Seriously, Get More Productive.
This is how I think about it, If I am going to have to be away from my kids all day or be giving them less of me than I'd like to while working. I better be making it count. I better be setting myself up for success, I better be getting extra done so I can take that vacation in a couple of weeks, I better be showing I am worth the next opportunity to heighten my career. Same with home life. If its Saturday and I know my kids are dying to get out of the house they've been cooped up in all week, but the dishes are piled up and the laundry is overflowing. I'm getting up early, making a coffee, putting on my "best of Shania Twain" playlist and "Let's Go Girls!!". I'm GETTING IT DONE. Get off your phone, get off Facebook, or I guess "Threads" now, and get more productive. Yourself and your work life, and your kids will thank you for it.
Daily Mental Download
Everyday I open both calendars. My work and my personal. Then I make notes of things I need to do to make those set appointments/meetings/practices go smoother.
Monday morning team huddle at 9am: Cool log on early but at 8:45AM take a moment, brush my hair, brush my teeth, make my coffee and re-read any notes I made that may need to be discussed.
From 10am to 1pm Free Work: Time to catch up from the weekend, but having no direction could leave me hopping from task to task. Instead I make myself a list, prioritizing tasks and projects that needs to get done first, going into moderately time sensitive, and lastly, down to smaller tasks. Having a plan for those hours makes that time that much more productive, and I don't end up questioning what I did all day. Be intentional and take back your time.
2:30pm zoom meeting with client: Means I am going to take my lunch break at 1pm, shower, get myself ready so I look professional and presentable to my client, tidy my house, maybe throw a roast in the crock pot. Then when I log back on at 2pm I will spend the 30 minutes before refreshing what I need to know for the meeting, making bullet points of things we need to discuss, etc.
5pm Gymnastics practice for my daughter: This means taking a quick break after my meeting at 3pm to have her gymnastics outfit laid out, water bottle & snack made. Out the door by 4:30pm is the goal and I almost always hit it if I did my mental download that morning.
6:30pmMom PTO (parent time off): aka line dancing & Mom's night out! Maybe its not total PTO because I do bring my oldest daughter with me but I schedule this every Monday with my partner to watch our toddler. This is my "break" and this part of my day is just as important as the rest.
Home by 8: Setting out workout clothes and kids clothes for the following morning, packing the bags for day care, mentally prepping meals/snacks for tomorrow etc.
I go through this mental checklist everyday, it takes maybe 10 minutes but I know my day goes so much smother because of it. Waiting for the 15 minute zoom reminder to go off and send you into a panic is just not the way to "Take back your day" as a working parent. Try a daily mental download at the beginning of each day and see how much more in control of your day you feel!
Go to bed!!!!
Ya, ya you know this one and you are probably going to ignore it still! But so much of your productivity, patience, mind clarity (I could go on and on) comes from a good nights sleep. I'm not even going to go into depth on this because we all already know. But seriously go to bed at a normal time, that series will be there Sunday when you have time to binge watch. Just go to bed!
Take every moment you can to make your kids feel special
I think the hardest part about being a working parent is when all is said and done, the kids are in bed and you are sitting on the couch after making it through another day, the Mom guilt starts to creep in. Did you spend enough time with them today? You should of just held him instead of putting him down and putting his dinosaur toy in front of him. You should have cheered longer when your daughter showed you the new dance she made up. I can't believe you fed them chicken nuggets for dinner again.... You know the rabbit hole we all spiral down. So find times to make them feel special. These are just some of the things I do the really helped combat the Mom guilt, because I put little sprinkles of special in each of our days.
- Wake my baby up singing. sometimes its a real song, sometimes its made up, sometimes its a Justin Bieber song that I put his name into. Whatever comes to mind, it's silly, but he has never not woken up with a smile since I started doing this.
-Fun bath times. We officially have a designated bathroom bubble machine and disco light. Something as normal as a bath has now become special.
-Plating their food in a fun way. Ya I may be giving them alphabet chicken nuggets (AGAIN) but sometimes I will spell a word or cut the fruit into fun shapes. Whatever I can to make meal time a bit more fun.
- Get outside. I can't always take the credit for this one, but my husband will often take the kids outside to play first thing when he gets home. The kids ride bikes, play with chalk, explore the neighborhood.
-Celebrate even the small things. You would think we were watching our favorite team when the Superbowl every time my son hits the plastic baseball off the tee. And you would think we had just met Vincent Van Goh every time our daughter shows us a new drawing.
The more special you make the little moments, the more grace you give yourselves. They might not remember that Disneyland trip you took them on when they were 5, but they will definitely remember how you made them feel daily as kids. Focus on that.
I could probably go on for days with ways I've learned to balance motherhood and being a working professional and If I am being honest I'm still learning. Maybe this will even be a series I do as I continue to grow in this chapter of life, but I hope you can take some of these tips, hop off the roller coaster, and take a nice cool ride on "It's a small world" because life is what you make it "After all" ... see what I did there 😉
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